Till Death Do Us Part

After the demise of a family member who truly was loved prompt this blog. One is never able to determine if one life will end or when one life will begin because the clock continually tick-tocks. Life simply happens or one life simply ends because it's inevitable. This is why one should make a conscious decision and spend time with friends and family because there isn't any guarantee. Yes, I know one takes life for granted. When death happens shortly after death life goes back to the norm subsequently one's loved one is forgotten until his or her loved one's memorial.
One belief is after their friend or loved one demise he or she would make a 360-degree shift and transform their own life going forward in a positive view. When their loved one formulates a footprint to follow it is never traced instead the footprint in the sand is washed away in the water.  One is supposed to utilize their love one-footprint to make a difference in someone else or their own life. When death happens nine times out of ten one life in his or her loved one name is unchanged. Most likely their loved one death devastates and abates thenceforth one resumes living life merely like death never happened in the first place. DO NOT ALLOW ONE LOVED ONE DEMISE TO BECOME IN VINE.  

Actually, one doesn't have the understanding to articulate who lives or demise. There is not a turn-on or turn-off button in life. Its simplicity one has to prepare for when the inevitable occurs. Death is a topic that is not near but far away because it's a topic that's not a conversation piece. One doesn't sit down at their dinner table and strike up a conversation about death. Why is that? Death is a subject that one prefers to steer away from because some identify it with sadness, fear, devastation, loneliness, and abandonment. Death depends on several factors such as the philosophy of death that is considered as a process. I don't want to indulge in the process of death because that is an entirely different blog at a later time. Many rejoice over a friend or a loved one demise. Others may moan about the death of a friend or a loved one. Either way, these are uncontrollable emotions and it is how one channels their emotion. The key is to exercise coping skills with death such as in the manner that it may uplift the person who is grieving the death of a friend or a loved one. I deem it significant depending on the circumstance of the death that one abstracts the negative emotions following the aftermath of a friend or loved one demise such as happy memories. Memories are vital following a death such as a relationship before, characteristics,  personality, etc. There are many moments that one can reflect on that may fulfill the void that's absent in one life. Take this time and reflect. Talk about goosebumps as I reflect on my father.

Consequently, exercising death and mutating that energy toward something positive will sustain their loved one memories forever, therefore, he or she will never be forgotten for example initiating a non-profit agency for teens or a program for young mothers who need an emergency shelter or non-profit agency for the homeless, and group grief counseling. There are several avenues one may focus their energy toward generating the support of a friend or a loved one demise.
The sad aspect of this that is it takes the death of a loved one to alter one life in an optimistic viewpoint to support others who are or have experienced the same struggles following a death. For example, many human rights activists had a demise, and after their death programs, schools, streets, and holidays were inserted to honor them. I'm conveying a similar concept. It's a sort of healing process for those who are struggling following the demise of a loved one. These leaders will never be forgotten. Death is supposed to alter one thinking positively because one's loved ones are no longer living lives. After death, all that matters is what would one do to honor their loved ones in a positive view.

In conclusion,  many people wait until death happens before allowing friends and loved ones to know how much he or she is loved and missed, however; their loved ones aren't any longer alive to view the commitment to their cause. Also, why is it that others communicate more to the dead and subsequently to those who are yet living? Presently, some aren't speaking to their parents, siblings, in-laws, etc for whatever reason. As soon as death happens subsequently there are regrets such as I should've or could've done something different, however; it's too late. Now, there will be some type of psychological damage because he or she refused to mend the relationship. Death is difficult for everyone but it makes a difference how a person channels one emotion. In fact, healing is a channel one wants to inherit because it allows one to live their life vicarious in constructing a legacy in honor.

Kimmie Merritt

12/10/2018

Parent's Keeper

A time will come when the roles will be reversed. When the time comes what will you do? Will one become their parents or parent keeper? I recalled when my father reached out to me and asked me to relocate because he needed me. I remember that like it was yesterday. I quote "Daddy need you down here with me". It hit me like a brick.  When I received that phone call I didn't hesitate because I knew my father needed constructing a call as such. I knew my father and he never asked anybody for anything. What I didn't know that is he was sick. My father never disclosed that information to me. I understand now why he wasn't forthcoming. As a parent, one doesn't want to burden their children or children with certain information because some children don't know how to handle it or simply aren't mature enough. I'm glad my father didn't disclose his ailment because I was unable to handle it at that point and time.

Also, when one can rescue their parents or parents in their time and need he or she is considered in my book "their parents or parent keeper. Unfortunately one is unable to control who, what, and when an ailment may transpire in one life but a support system is an optimal remedy that is fulfilling in one parent or parent's life. Parents should without a shadow of a doubt be able to depend on their child or children to care for them when the parents or parent are unable to care for themselves any longer.

Actually, when a mother brings a child into this world and nurtures the child to the best of her ability. When parents become older and the parent transforms into a child again when that parent is old thus; it's time to reverse roles.  Now it's that child or children who should take on the role of caring for his or her parent until their demise. One may believe it's a job or one may deem it as an adventure. One should envision it as reflecting back on the years of blood, sweat, and tears of a mother or father who bears and sacrifices the gift for him or her.

When one contemplates reversing roles merely contemplate if it wasn't for one's mother or father where would one be.   As a parent or parents, it's a choice to be their child or children's keeper, simply akin to their child or children choosing to become their mother or father's caregiver. Why would anyone trust their parent's lives in another person's hands? There isn't anyone else who knows one parent better than their child or children and vice-versus.

Currently, my mother is struggling with an ailment. When I speak to others about her ailment it's always conveyed that eventually I would have to place her in a nursing home because it will become overwhelming for me to handle. I understand some circumstances and situations may be out of one control, therefore; the only option is a nursing home but for me and mine, I will never place my mother in a nursing home. Merely, it wasn't an option for my mother to place me up for adoption. My mother played the cards that were dealt to her and her ailment is the cards that have been dealt to me.

Furthermore, one ought to remember what goes around it will come right back around. In cases where parents weren't in their child or children's lives in their childrearing years but as an adult, the parent surfaces simply become the bigger person and do the right thing. In a situation such as subsequently, the child and absent parent should converse and hear each other out to find a middle ground and peace to move forward as a family.  Life isn't promised to anyone because one may be here today but will be gone tomorrow. One demise isn't a choice.

Kimmie Merritt
2/10/19

 

No Child Left Behind

As a parent articulating the importance of parenthood 101 is a challenge I want to fulfill. There may be many who will be left behind but then again there are others who are seeking the knowledge of parenthood but doesn't have a go-to person. Parenthood is a curious thing but if parents implement listening skills from experience veterans it may make a difference. Parenting skills vary from culture to culture. Also, parenting skills vary from parent to parent.  What do I mean parenting skills vary from parent to parent?  We are raised differently, therefore, the parenting skills will be dissimilar. For example how I recall my mother and father parenting skills may be different from how one recalls their mother or father parenting skills. This is imperative because once a child comes into play this is a topic that should be a conversation piece. When couples are in a relationship think about who initiates the conversations such as how a child should be raised? Who discusses which parent or both parents will be involved. Also, will one parent be a stay home mom or dad, and if so for what time period.

Moreover, who will be the disciplinary in the home or out of the home? There are several questions that should be asked in a relationship. Don't simply allow it to happen. If one is grown enough to have sex one is grown enough to prepare him or herself before the inevitable happens. One should be responsible when having sex by having safe sex, therefore there wouldn't be any child/children left behind. If one doesn't look out for their own child who's going to. What I am attempting to insert in the universe is both partners ought to take precautions. Not to allow parenthood to just happen because the balls in their court just plan the game out. Don't allow others to control their destiny when one has planned parenthood out.

If one of the parents decides to be an absent parent how will it alter the life of the single parent and the child? What will be the game plan? A game plan that does not involve the grandparents because the grandparents weren't involved when the child/children were being conceived"You get it".  Parenthood should be planned and prepared because the unexpected will transpire. There isn't any perfect relationship, therefore; be prepared if a child is left behind. When one is prepared there aren't concerned with no child left behind.

Always be ahead of the game because one will tell their partner anything in the beginning. Some are better at convincing than others. Others simply are gullible and will believe what is told to them because it sounds good at the moment,  especially the inexperienced. It takes a village to band together to evade a child left behind and have an ear to listen while given valuable advice to aid others who are struggling as parents but because some parents sense that the help isn't necessary it causes problems for those who would akin to aid in this struggle.

That life with the white picket fence is a fantasy, however; becoming a stable parent psychologically is a functionality one needs to be mentally stable. If one lives a psychotic life sequentially their child/children will become a product of their parent's unsettled mindset. Is that the type of life one wants for themselves or child/children? One can't continually employ the blame game for everything that has gone wrong in their life.

A part of becoming responsible is taking responsibility for one's actions or lack of. If the father/mother of one child isn't in one life one has to take responsibility. Furthermore, having a child with a person doesn't change who that person is moving forward in the relationship. Having a child with a person does open the door for that child to learn to be akin to the absent parent or to be better with some love and guidance. Some people display who they are in the relationship from jump street. Please cease trying to make the man or woman who you want to be. They are who they showed up to be.

No child left behind is a statement that should go viral but for some, others pick and choose the importance of the information they feel their child/children ought to factor in one. It isn't going to get any better for a child only worst. A village is every creed and color who can save an innocent child from their own parents because the majority of the damage comes from their child's own flesh & blood. Who knew? Let's stop the trend and make an impact on behalf of our children and grandchildren by making a pact and educate ourselves in learning how to NOT LEAVE OUR CHILD BEHIND.
  It will leave a lasting impact on a child for a lifetime.

Kimmie Merritt
6/1/18

Father's Day

Father’s Day is a day for full-time fathers. Father’s Day is not for every man to claim. Some men are part-time or deadbeat fathers subsequently when Father’s Day arrives they want to claim the day. One day out of the year does not qualify a man to be a dad. A dad is a year-round adventure. I didn’t enunciate a dad is a job. Those fathers who compose excuses annually for not contributing ought to feel less than a man. Plus, when Father’s Day is approaching and others wish those men that make an appearance occasionally a Happy Father’s Day that’s undeserving to acknowledge the day. I understand Father’s Day isn't recognized as akin to Mother's Day but it’s bitter-sweet because a lot of children are in anguish because their fathers aren’t acquiring accountability. The rationale why it isn't recognized as akin to Mother’s Day generally is because mothers carry the child for nine months and subsequently deliver and nurture the baby that alone is a sufficient reason to love and respect the mother on Mother’s Day.

Additionally, a child doesn't need a part-time father. If a father is unable to be thoroughly effective he ought not to be in a child's life everlasting, other men can become a productive stepfather to the child. There shouldn’t be another man taking the place of the father when he is a willing able individual. When a father is inconsistent in a child's life it constructs a child to be unstable.   Also, the inconsistency doesn’t allow the child to become rooted in morals and values, therefore; the will to not learn in regards to fatherhood.  The child replicates his father's sad behavior. Is that the type of model one set forth for his child? The cycle continues! My theory why there are many irresponsible fathers because of fear the fear of failing especially when their father abandons and fails them. That's my concept and I may be incorrect, however; as a child growing up my dad was an exemplar of what a dad characteristic ought to be. This is why I am qualified and precise regarding the representative of fatherhood.

In fact, I differentiate Father versus dad because there’s a huge difference between them. Year after year there are fewer dads and more fathers. Why is that? The statistics are accurate about there are more fathers incarcerated than in the home. It’s a disgrace for a child or children when the majority and minority of the fathers are incarcerated.  Fathers’ simply don’t have any discredit and don’t take into consideration the humiliation that is connected to their child or children.

 Furthermore, to add salt to the wound the fathers that are at liberty are self-centered, egotistic, and selfish and only think about their own well-being. Some fathers who are incarcerated wish they had the same opportunities or a second chance for a redo to provide quality time to their child or children. I don’t get it! Do you? It’s to the point children are taking to the streets for the guidance that their fathers ought to be teaching them. There are many demised children or children who are ten feet under because of a lack of involvement and child well-being.

On the other hand,  I disagree with the mothers who collect child support from fathers but there are cases where the mother doesn’t have any other options. When fathers aren’t supporting a child financially and consequently not in that child's life actively the mother has the right to make the father accountable. Fathers can only fault themselves for the lack of support. A real man takes care of his responsibility.  The little boy claiming manhood evades their responsibility.

NEWS FLASH:

A responsible dad doesn’t have to be concerned with child support because he knows his child can depend on him for financial support.

A responsible dad A child doesn’t have to be concerned about broken promises.

A responsible dad will not allow his own lack of fatherhood to interfere with him becoming actively involved.

A responsible dad teaches his child to be an overachiever.

 A responsible dad does not make excuses.

 A responsible dad teaches his child the meaning of ethics.

A responsible dad guides his child from birth through adulthood.

A responsible dad has his own residence builds stability and teaches his child the same.

Lastly, this is for those dads who have gone above and beyond to make a difference in their children or children's lives by elucidating the fundamentals of family values and manhood to transition into fatherhood. I want to applaud you for never falling into the statistics because a dad is never-ending. You are appreciated on this day because you're deserving of it. You're truly the epitome of a father. Thank you for ending the cycle of deadbeat dads in your own family history. Some fathers aren't passing the baton of deadbeat dads". 

Peace!

6/27/18
Kimmie Merritt

Abandonment

Many feel a sense of loneliness and it’s never a good feeling.  Learning how to overcome is life-changing. Many sense one time in their life some sort of abandonment such as child abandonment, marriage, friends, pastors, teachers, doctors, lawyers, etc.).

When one senses some sort of abandonment it transforms their lives if they permit it. One can alter that action of abandonment from a negative into a positive reaction by reconditioning their life event into possessing an optimistic outcome. Others may become inspired because of one’s life variations despite their life encounters. One would never comprehend the WHY as a child why their parents left him or her for dead. Right? For example, if one can foretell their future to view their life one would have lived with their parents and that life was horrific would it construct the abandonment valid. This is why I reiterate parenthood isn't for everyone. Just because you can doesn't mean you should. The first rule of parenthood is one has to present oneself as selfless not selfish. Sometimes attempting to understand why one is placed in a definite situation doesn't go well for that person who was abandoned because of his or her viewpoint of why the event transpired. I understand it is problematic for any child to discern why their parents placed others (for example drugs, men, women, alcohol, etc.) before them. I believe it's effortless for others to judge when they aren't in one stance. I am not communicating abandonment is the right or a choice in any given situation. I am articulating life happens and others deem there is no way out especially when there isn’t anyone supportive of their life.

Currently, some children are in a household that wishes someone would rescue or adopt them because of their sense of abandonment.  There are several ways one can sense abandonment and that is living in a household with parents but having a sense of feeling abandonment psychology. I deem that is the worst type of abandonment. Parents are supposed to love and protect their child or children, however, to live in a household that's detrimental is emotional and psychological abandonment. Abandonment comes in many shapes and sizes if one really analyzes it.   Never believe that one person is the only one who is struggling with some sort of abandonment because it's universal.  When one is abandoned in their mind they don’t permit others in. Also, one shelters themselves because he or she has developed trust issues. If one parent decides to give up on themselves and their child subsequently, stripping that child from conferring such as love, protecting, trust, nurture, etc. How can any child trust anyone else that comes into their life? That's a hard pill to swallow.

Moreover, communicating the title abandonment in a relationship seems to cripple the partner because of the fear that he or she may become abandoned again. Also, in relationships, it doesn't matter the wrongdoing because it becomes irrelevant, and therefore; he or she settles in that relationship because of that fear factor. The person who was abandoned has become imprisoned mentally without committing a crime. They are victims at the hands of their parents. Parents should be locked up from committing this horrific crime their child/children have to revisit for the rest of their lives.  Parent are living their lives without a care in this world. When their child or children whom she had forsaken are struggling for answers internally. Yes, the victim is deserving of fulfilling that void from a loving and caring adopted family.

 Kimmie Merritt

6/3 /18

Underlining behaviors

There are options one constructs in relationships that would build up or break down one self-esteem. How one is raised and one’s environment will be a factor as to why a man or woman may or not respect their partner in their relationship. I always felt if a man doesn't respect his mother he will never respect the woman in the relationships or merely women in general. Respect is a two-way street.

Firstly, respect isn't earned its given. If a woman doesn't respect herself a man will not respect her. Women pay close attention to how a man treats them. In my past relationships, I've come connected to verbally abusive men but I wasn't having it, thus I moved on. I will never tolerate a disrespectful man and you shouldn't either. Also, I've come connected to men in my past who on the normal disrespected women, and the women accepted it believing it was normal for their partner when he claimed to love them. Women NEW FLASH: that is not loved.

Secondly, It's vital to comfort whomever if you feel disrespected. Women if you don't comfort this type of behavior those men will think it's appropriate and will persist in their succeeding relationships till that man meets a woman who knows her value and will not adapt. Women you have to eradicate that disrespectful behavior at the root, therefore the behavior will not revisit. Some women consent and tolerate it for years till she has wasted years and sequentially move on. Moreover, the ensuing woman has to put up with the disrespect you dealt with because, in the prior relationship, it wasn’t comforted with him. The sequence resumes with him. I evoke composing in my other blogs that a man will regard a woman in the manner a woman allows him.  That's a key dilemma when women ignore particular behavior believing that it is habitual. It's abnormal behavior when a man is disrespectful over and over. I've stated in different blogs that behaviors are taught, therefore women have to teach their partners how to treat them. The distressing component is many women don't know how they should be treated.

 Lastly, People become allied to their environment, therefore, there's a motive for their disrespectful behavior. How is a person supposed to self-reflect and comfort the problem if they are not comforted by their partner in the relationship?  For example, a person who lives in poverty may choose to steal food to feed him or herself, however, that is considered their means to survive. If comfort and transference were introduced that person would view themselves from a different perspective outside of the environment of poverty. The lifestyle we live alters the behavior, therefore how we act is embedded but that is not an excuse because the behavior can oscillate. Ponder on this that,  it is entitled to converting the mind next the behavior will be transfiguring.

Peace!

Kimmie Merritt
5/29/18

PARENTHOOD 101 PART 1

The information in this blog is to inform those parents there are codes of good parenthood. l will not be able to convey it all in this blog, therefore, there will be others following.  How a child is raised will determine him or her in the manner they develop. I recall conveying in one of my other blogs that just because an individual can propagate does not mean that individual ought to. Some parents seem to believe it is the teachers who are supposed to tolerate their children's bad behavior in school. Parents send their disrespectful child or children to school expecting the teachers to teach the child how to behave. The only reason a child becomes disrespectful is that the parents disrespect themselves, each other, or the child. A parent can't think a child should know how to behave when that child isn't taught in the home. Children absorb what their parents put out in their surroundings. Parents can't expect their child to act a certain way when the parents are ratchet and disrespectful. Parents are supposed to teach their children or children how to behave but they don't.  It's not the teacher's responsibility to educate on how a child is supposed to behave in school but it is the parent's responsibility. 

I've learned when a person becomes a parent it's no longer about self but it's about their child or children. I deem some individuals are too selfish to be a parent.  Some may agree and some may disagree. I've viewed many children suffer at the hands of their own parents. Of course, some parents do not view it in that manner, and that is because some parents are self-absorbed. Some parents construct children to feel like they don't matter. Parents have failed their child or children to the point of no return.  I understand some individuals didn't have a mother or father figure in their lives. It's unfortunate for him or her. I think if there is a family member or close friend he or she feels inspired by it can make a world of difference in that child's development phase. Sometimes circumstance transpires and that allows a family member to take the place of the mother or father. Sometimes that may be the best decision. Parenthood is not for everyone because a parent has to wear many hats. Parenthood consists of instilling knowledge of self,  stability, nurture,  affection, communication, a sense of security, providing, love, comfort, caring, morals, values, respect, support (emotional, economic, ), etc

In different cultures how parents raise a child/children varies from generation to generation. In my grandparents and parents' era parenthood wasn't a job, it was an adventure. Parents are not as robust akin to the parents back in that era. Parents today are disinterested, egoistic, materialistic, and possess no self-restraint. Also, some parents believe parenthood is a job, not an adventure. Parenthood is an infinite attribute.  A person's experiences will teach them the etiquette of parenthood. When a person matures into parenthood, their attitude alters, subsequently, their childish ways cease. Anybody can have a child but it takes knowledge of self to be the parent that a child can idolize. There aren't any perfect parents but perfecting to contain a  functional home will contribute to a functional child or children. 

Conversely, the inappropriate age to rear a child or children, in my opinion, is 18-29. Ask the question. Why? When a person is between the ages 18-20 he or she is considered a young adult. The operant word is YOUNG, thus; too immature to take on the responsibility parenthood entails. Also, during the young adult's stage, they are developing, and discovering their sexuality, and what they want to do with their lives. Furthermore, he or she is exploring life, therefore; making immature decisions. During this phase in a young adult's life, he or she should be seeking college or vocational school to further their education. A diploma shouldn't be sufficient. A backup plan should always be in the works. If something does not work out he or she has an alternative plan.

Actually, at this phase in life having relationships during this phase is a no, no because it distracts a person. When a person during this phase is trying to figure out who they are, and what their desire is for their lives, and a relationship is established, therefore; a relationship will hinder that person. Now, that person has to be a concern for that person who he or she has relations with. It changes that person's initial plan for themself that was in place. Taking the focus off of knowledge of self. This is a distraction.

In conclusion, if having a child is in place without planning, he or she is further distracted because the child's concerns are first not the mother nor the father. A plan in place cultivates a person's life to be in control of each person's destiny without distractions. There will always be a time for rearing a child and a relationship. Parents ought to guide their young adults to evade distraction in their young adult phase and keep the focus on knowledge of self.

Peace!

Kimmie Merritt

3/24/18