Father's Day

Father’s Day is a day for full-time fathers. Father’s Day is not for every man to claim. Some men are part-time or deadbeat fathers subsequently when Father’s Day arrives they want to claim the day. One day out of the year does not qualify a man to be a dad. A dad is a year-round adventure. I didn’t enunciate a dad is a job. Those fathers who compose excuses annually for not contributing ought to feel less than a man. Plus, when Father’s Day is approaching and others wish those men that make an appearance occasionally a Happy Father’s Day that’s undeserving to acknowledge the day. I understand Father’s Day isn't recognized as akin to Mother's Day but it’s bitter-sweet because a lot of children are in anguish because their fathers aren’t acquiring accountability. The rationale why it isn't recognized as akin to Mother’s Day generally is because mothers carry the child for nine months and subsequently deliver and nurture the baby that alone is a sufficient reason to love and respect the mother on Mother’s Day.

Additionally, a child doesn't need a part-time father. If a father is unable to be thoroughly effective he ought not to be in a child's life everlasting, other men can become a productive stepfather to the child. There shouldn’t be another man taking the place of the father when he is a willing able individual. When a father is inconsistent in a child's life it constructs a child to be unstable.   Also, the inconsistency doesn’t allow the child to become rooted in morals and values, therefore; the will to not learn in regards to fatherhood.  The child replicates his father's sad behavior. Is that the type of model one set forth for his child? The cycle continues! My theory why there are many irresponsible fathers because of fear the fear of failing especially when their father abandons and fails them. That's my concept and I may be incorrect, however; as a child growing up my dad was an exemplar of what a dad characteristic ought to be. This is why I am qualified and precise regarding the representative of fatherhood.

In fact, I differentiate Father versus dad because there’s a huge difference between them. Year after year there are fewer dads and more fathers. Why is that? The statistics are accurate about there are more fathers incarcerated than in the home. It’s a disgrace for a child or children when the majority and minority of the fathers are incarcerated.  Fathers’ simply don’t have any discredit and don’t take into consideration the humiliation that is connected to their child or children.

 Furthermore, to add salt to the wound the fathers that are at liberty are self-centered, egotistic, and selfish and only think about their own well-being. Some fathers who are incarcerated wish they had the same opportunities or a second chance for a redo to provide quality time to their child or children. I don’t get it! Do you? It’s to the point children are taking to the streets for the guidance that their fathers ought to be teaching them. There are many demised children or children who are ten feet under because of a lack of involvement and child well-being.

On the other hand,  I disagree with the mothers who collect child support from fathers but there are cases where the mother doesn’t have any other options. When fathers aren’t supporting a child financially and consequently not in that child's life actively the mother has the right to make the father accountable. Fathers can only fault themselves for the lack of support. A real man takes care of his responsibility.  The little boy claiming manhood evades their responsibility.

NEWS FLASH:

A responsible dad doesn’t have to be concerned with child support because he knows his child can depend on him for financial support.

A responsible dad A child doesn’t have to be concerned about broken promises.

A responsible dad will not allow his own lack of fatherhood to interfere with him becoming actively involved.

A responsible dad teaches his child to be an overachiever.

 A responsible dad does not make excuses.

 A responsible dad teaches his child the meaning of ethics.

A responsible dad guides his child from birth through adulthood.

A responsible dad has his own residence builds stability and teaches his child the same.

Lastly, this is for those dads who have gone above and beyond to make a difference in their children or children's lives by elucidating the fundamentals of family values and manhood to transition into fatherhood. I want to applaud you for never falling into the statistics because a dad is never-ending. You are appreciated on this day because you're deserving of it. You're truly the epitome of a father. Thank you for ending the cycle of deadbeat dads in your own family history. Some fathers aren't passing the baton of deadbeat dads". 

Peace!

6/27/18
Kimmie Merritt

Abandonment

Many feel a sense of loneliness and it’s never a good feeling.  Learning how to overcome is life-changing. Many sense one time in their life some sort of abandonment such as child abandonment, marriage, friends, pastors, teachers, doctors, lawyers, etc.).

When one senses some sort of abandonment it transforms their lives if they permit it. One can alter that action of abandonment from a negative into a positive reaction by reconditioning their life event into possessing an optimistic outcome. Others may become inspired because of one’s life variations despite their life encounters. One would never comprehend the WHY as a child why their parents left him or her for dead. Right? For example, if one can foretell their future to view their life one would have lived with their parents and that life was horrific would it construct the abandonment valid. This is why I reiterate parenthood isn't for everyone. Just because you can doesn't mean you should. The first rule of parenthood is one has to present oneself as selfless not selfish. Sometimes attempting to understand why one is placed in a definite situation doesn't go well for that person who was abandoned because of his or her viewpoint of why the event transpired. I understand it is problematic for any child to discern why their parents placed others (for example drugs, men, women, alcohol, etc.) before them. I believe it's effortless for others to judge when they aren't in one stance. I am not communicating abandonment is the right or a choice in any given situation. I am articulating life happens and others deem there is no way out especially when there isn’t anyone supportive of their life.

Currently, some children are in a household that wishes someone would rescue or adopt them because of their sense of abandonment.  There are several ways one can sense abandonment and that is living in a household with parents but having a sense of feeling abandonment psychology. I deem that is the worst type of abandonment. Parents are supposed to love and protect their child or children, however, to live in a household that's detrimental is emotional and psychological abandonment. Abandonment comes in many shapes and sizes if one really analyzes it.   Never believe that one person is the only one who is struggling with some sort of abandonment because it's universal.  When one is abandoned in their mind they don’t permit others in. Also, one shelters themselves because he or she has developed trust issues. If one parent decides to give up on themselves and their child subsequently, stripping that child from conferring such as love, protecting, trust, nurture, etc. How can any child trust anyone else that comes into their life? That's a hard pill to swallow.

Moreover, communicating the title abandonment in a relationship seems to cripple the partner because of the fear that he or she may become abandoned again. Also, in relationships, it doesn't matter the wrongdoing because it becomes irrelevant, and therefore; he or she settles in that relationship because of that fear factor. The person who was abandoned has become imprisoned mentally without committing a crime. They are victims at the hands of their parents. Parents should be locked up from committing this horrific crime their child/children have to revisit for the rest of their lives.  Parent are living their lives without a care in this world. When their child or children whom she had forsaken are struggling for answers internally. Yes, the victim is deserving of fulfilling that void from a loving and caring adopted family.

 Kimmie Merritt

6/3 /18

Underlining behaviors

There are options one constructs in relationships that would build up or break down one self-esteem. How one is raised and one’s environment will be a factor as to why a man or woman may or not respect their partner in their relationship. I always felt if a man doesn't respect his mother he will never respect the woman in the relationships or merely women in general. Respect is a two-way street.

Firstly, respect isn't earned its given. If a woman doesn't respect herself a man will not respect her. Women pay close attention to how a man treats them. In my past relationships, I've come connected to verbally abusive men but I wasn't having it, thus I moved on. I will never tolerate a disrespectful man and you shouldn't either. Also, I've come connected to men in my past who on the normal disrespected women, and the women accepted it believing it was normal for their partner when he claimed to love them. Women NEW FLASH: that is not loved.

Secondly, It's vital to comfort whomever if you feel disrespected. Women if you don't comfort this type of behavior those men will think it's appropriate and will persist in their succeeding relationships till that man meets a woman who knows her value and will not adapt. Women you have to eradicate that disrespectful behavior at the root, therefore the behavior will not revisit. Some women consent and tolerate it for years till she has wasted years and sequentially move on. Moreover, the ensuing woman has to put up with the disrespect you dealt with because, in the prior relationship, it wasn’t comforted with him. The sequence resumes with him. I evoke composing in my other blogs that a man will regard a woman in the manner a woman allows him.  That's a key dilemma when women ignore particular behavior believing that it is habitual. It's abnormal behavior when a man is disrespectful over and over. I've stated in different blogs that behaviors are taught, therefore women have to teach their partners how to treat them. The distressing component is many women don't know how they should be treated.

 Lastly, People become allied to their environment, therefore, there's a motive for their disrespectful behavior. How is a person supposed to self-reflect and comfort the problem if they are not comforted by their partner in the relationship?  For example, a person who lives in poverty may choose to steal food to feed him or herself, however, that is considered their means to survive. If comfort and transference were introduced that person would view themselves from a different perspective outside of the environment of poverty. The lifestyle we live alters the behavior, therefore how we act is embedded but that is not an excuse because the behavior can oscillate. Ponder on this that,  it is entitled to converting the mind next the behavior will be transfiguring.

Peace!

Kimmie Merritt
5/29/18

PARENTHOOD 101 PART 1

The information in this blog is to inform those parents there are codes of good parenthood. l will not be able to convey it all in this blog, therefore, there will be others following.  How a child is raised will determine him or her in the manner they develop. I recall conveying in one of my other blogs that just because an individual can propagate does not mean that individual ought to. Some parents seem to believe it is the teachers who are supposed to tolerate their children's bad behavior in school. Parents send their disrespectful child or children to school expecting the teachers to teach the child how to behave. The only reason a child becomes disrespectful is that the parents disrespect themselves, each other, or the child. A parent can't think a child should know how to behave when that child isn't taught in the home. Children absorb what their parents put out in their surroundings. Parents can't expect their child to act a certain way when the parents are ratchet and disrespectful. Parents are supposed to teach their children or children how to behave but they don't.  It's not the teacher's responsibility to educate on how a child is supposed to behave in school but it is the parent's responsibility. 

I've learned when a person becomes a parent it's no longer about self but it's about their child or children. I deem some individuals are too selfish to be a parent.  Some may agree and some may disagree. I've viewed many children suffer at the hands of their own parents. Of course, some parents do not view it in that manner, and that is because some parents are self-absorbed. Some parents construct children to feel like they don't matter. Parents have failed their child or children to the point of no return.  I understand some individuals didn't have a mother or father figure in their lives. It's unfortunate for him or her. I think if there is a family member or close friend he or she feels inspired by it can make a world of difference in that child's development phase. Sometimes circumstance transpires and that allows a family member to take the place of the mother or father. Sometimes that may be the best decision. Parenthood is not for everyone because a parent has to wear many hats. Parenthood consists of instilling knowledge of self,  stability, nurture,  affection, communication, a sense of security, providing, love, comfort, caring, morals, values, respect, support (emotional, economic, ), etc

In different cultures how parents raise a child/children varies from generation to generation. In my grandparents and parents' era parenthood wasn't a job, it was an adventure. Parents are not as robust akin to the parents back in that era. Parents today are disinterested, egoistic, materialistic, and possess no self-restraint. Also, some parents believe parenthood is a job, not an adventure. Parenthood is an infinite attribute.  A person's experiences will teach them the etiquette of parenthood. When a person matures into parenthood, their attitude alters, subsequently, their childish ways cease. Anybody can have a child but it takes knowledge of self to be the parent that a child can idolize. There aren't any perfect parents but perfecting to contain a  functional home will contribute to a functional child or children. 

Conversely, the inappropriate age to rear a child or children, in my opinion, is 18-29. Ask the question. Why? When a person is between the ages 18-20 he or she is considered a young adult. The operant word is YOUNG, thus; too immature to take on the responsibility parenthood entails. Also, during the young adult's stage, they are developing, and discovering their sexuality, and what they want to do with their lives. Furthermore, he or she is exploring life, therefore; making immature decisions. During this phase in a young adult's life, he or she should be seeking college or vocational school to further their education. A diploma shouldn't be sufficient. A backup plan should always be in the works. If something does not work out he or she has an alternative plan.

Actually, at this phase in life having relationships during this phase is a no, no because it distracts a person. When a person during this phase is trying to figure out who they are, and what their desire is for their lives, and a relationship is established, therefore; a relationship will hinder that person. Now, that person has to be a concern for that person who he or she has relations with. It changes that person's initial plan for themself that was in place. Taking the focus off of knowledge of self. This is a distraction.

In conclusion, if having a child is in place without planning, he or she is further distracted because the child's concerns are first not the mother nor the father. A plan in place cultivates a person's life to be in control of each person's destiny without distractions. There will always be a time for rearing a child and a relationship. Parents ought to guide their young adults to evade distraction in their young adult phase and keep the focus on knowledge of self.

Peace!

Kimmie Merritt

3/24/18

What Love Got To Do With It

Social media is the distraction factor in relationships and why relationships have hit a roadblock. If couples are not able to view how social media is a distraction in a lot of breaks up subsequently their relationships will not survive either.

How are couples acquiring quality time to listen and communicate with each other? How can couples become empowered when they are having relations with various social media sites? Social media gives couples the outlet, and attention, however;  it places their significant other at a disadvantage. There need to be boundaries in a relationship.  If there were boundaries there wouldn't be a host of relationship dilemmas that stem from social media. There ought to be a mental turn-off button to shut social media out of relationship circumference.

Couples are caught up on social media, however; they ought to be caught up in each other. Couples communicate more through social media than with each other because they don't know how to have a relationship, and don't know how to be committed. Consequently,  couples are living in the same house and communicate through text messaging. Who does that? The only way couples' relationships will flourish is if they reflect on each other and disconnect from social media. I am talking about communicating/conversing with each other and not with the rest of the world, that is the way it was before text messaging and utilizing social media exist to make it a valuable union.

Couples have allowed social media to interrupt their lives and relationships, and because of the era we live in some people have conformed themselves to the social media mayhem unconsciously. Couples have to become aware and retract their privacy because if they don't their relationship will collapse if it hasn't, thus; far. 

In fact, couples are allowing social media to dictate their relationship, for example, when couples wake up in the morning they do not say good morning nor kiss their partner but are on social media posting good morning to the whole wide web. There are conversations, and topics on their news feed that are deemed more imperative than embracing their partner in the morning. Can you see this behavior is dysfunctional?  

If couples are true to themselves they would understand the struggle and brokenness in their relationship. Also, both partners need to execute the attention they immensely need versus consuming themselves and seeking attention on social media.

Additionally, if relationships want to improve both parties should seek couple therapy as a support system The reason I suggested couple therapy is that therapy will help with discovering the root of the problem, therefore; it will redefine the relationship in its entirety and teach couples how to engage wholeheartedly. 

The time that is spent on social media could be employed talking to a  therapist online and seeking feedback about your dysfunctional relationship. Furthermore, couple therapy will formulate the relationship to become functional. Couples have to rise above to overcome the consumption of available time spent on social media.

When relationships fail for one reason or another. It's never one person's fault because it takes two to tango. It is always both people's fault because both parties are involved. Why is it both parties when the relationship goes well?  When it goes south it's another person's fault. There are two sides to the story. 

When a person is true to themselves he or she will stop making excuses. Couples should take the opportunity to connect to a therapist online because many relationships have lost their zeal, and I don't think they will recover without professional guidance. When couples are not able to figure out what has gone wrong in their relationship sequent marriage is off the table period...

Couples shouldn't invest time in a relationship that does not have any substance. Relationships shouldn't be a job but an adventure. 

Peace!

Kimmie Merritt

3/16/18

PEDOPHILE

When brothers are away (incarcerated)  pedophiles play with their daughters. Brothers need to keep themselves out of jail because the only one who's suffering is their daughters. I don't know if that comes to mind when a brother does whatever he does to be placed in the position to be in jail. Allow me to enlighten my brothers when you have a child you are supposed to protect higher), however; when brothers are locked up it is impossible. Actually, when there are children in the home children are your only concern.  When you are locked up it leaves the door open to "pedophiles" it welcomes them into your home.  Talk about responsibility, believe it or not, it's on you to protect yours at all cause. If you don't protect yours who will. Brothers are leaving their daughters in the hands of the next man whomever that may be. You see why I talk about having knowledge of self because it is something my brothers are lacking. 

Brothers, you can't leave your woman to defend herself and defend your daughter because that's the father/husband's responsibility. Mothers nurture father protection. Again, the mother nurtures, and the father protects. Got it? A mother's concern is raising her daughter without a father in the home, therefore; that opens the door for her to allow the next brother to replace you when you're in jail braiding the next man's hair. Also, when you are with the next man your woman and daughter are with the next man too. You don't know him, and she does not know him either, however; she's lonely. Brothers need to get their priorities in order and stop thinking about self-gratification.

Brothers, when you are locked up with your woman

 is getting her boots, knocked, and the next brother (pedophile) is molesting your pride and joy "daughter" without the mother knowing. Now, where is your daughter's protector? He's in jail protecting the next man if you get my drift? Having a child is the same concept as a marriage "To Death Do Us Part". Brothers get your priority in order. I really want my brothers to ponder on the different scenarios that may be transpiring because it is a possibility. It happens more often than not. When you are doing time in jail think who is doing your daughter. You can only blame yourself because your daughters weren't a priority. Does your daughter deserve this act " Hell No" but because Daddy was not there to protect her this is the result? Don't wonder why your daughter has an attitude adjustment for the worse. You are continually asking her mother what is wrong with her. You want to know why is your daughter angry with you. Mommy doesn't know, and baby girl will not tell you because the last brother "pedophile" told her (your daughter) not to tell anyone because it's their secret. Brothers need to think about the position they are placing their daughters in when brothers take away their security blanket go to jail, and place their daughters in the hands of pedophiles.  

Peace!

Kimmie Merritt

3/15/18

This Is A Man World

I love my black brothers, and I do not think some sisters give them the props they deserve. I understand some brothers appear not to have it together, but other brothers appear to have it together. With that being said, brothers who have it together are handed the short end of the stick. I am a realist, and it may appear I uplift my sisters, and I do, however,; I uplift my brothers if they are deserving. 

Brothers who have knowledge of self know how to treat their sisters like the queens they are. Note: I said queen! The brothers who have knowledge of self aren't about playing games. These are grown-ass men. Also, brothers who have knowledge of self are not into the shacking up business.

They are about marrying a sister if that sister is worthy.  Yes, I said it! It's a GAME. Brothers that have knowledge of self cherish the BlackQueen. He will always respect, protect, and, correct any man that disrespects her.

Brothers who do not have knowledge of self-play games. Brothers who have knowledge of self are men who are not Into the "games people play". Some sisters know how the game is played, however; because sisters fear being alone tolerate it. 

Brothers who have knowledge of self recognize a woman who is down for her man (husband). Sister who recognizes her man has knowledge of self (husband)  is down with her man.  Sisters who recognize brothers who have knowledge of self-understand they are about their business. You see sisters don't have to ask their man to open the door for them because brothers who have knowledge of self already know that a sister walks in the door first. When a woman knows her man (husband) has knowledge of self she desires to do things for him because he is deserving of them.. When a brother has knowledge of self he makes his wife's life easier. 

Brothers who do not have knowledge of self sit back and watch their girlfriend/woman struggle. Brothers who do not have knowledge of self seek a payback. Brothers who do not have knowledge of self have multiple women and men. Brothers who do not have knowledge of self do not want to marry but do not have a problem shacking up with a sister. It's their belief sisters don't know their worth.

My black sisters, now you can differentiate. 

I want to say this is a man's world when a black man has "knowledge of self."

Peace!

Kimmie Merritt

3/13/18