PARENTHOOD 101 PART 1

The information in this blog is to inform those parents there are codes of good parenthood. l will not be able to convey it all in this blog, therefore, there will be others following.  How a child is raised will determine him or her in the manner they develop. I recall conveying in one of my other blogs that just because an individual can propagate does not mean that individual ought to. Some parents seem to believe it is the teachers who are supposed to tolerate their children's bad behavior in school. Parents send their disrespectful child or children to school expecting the teachers to teach the child how to behave. The only reason a child becomes disrespectful is that the parents disrespect themselves, each other, or the child. A parent can't think a child should know how to behave when that child isn't taught in the home. Children absorb what their parents put out in their surroundings. Parents can't expect their child to act a certain way when the parents are ratchet and disrespectful. Parents are supposed to teach their children or children how to behave but they don't.  It's not the teacher's responsibility to educate on how a child is supposed to behave in school but it is the parent's responsibility. 

I've learned when a person becomes a parent it's no longer about self but it's about their child or children. I deem some individuals are too selfish to be a parent.  Some may agree and some may disagree. I've viewed many children suffer at the hands of their own parents. Of course, some parents do not view it in that manner, and that is because some parents are self-absorbed. Some parents construct children to feel like they don't matter. Parents have failed their child or children to the point of no return.  I understand some individuals didn't have a mother or father figure in their lives. It's unfortunate for him or her. I think if there is a family member or close friend he or she feels inspired by it can make a world of difference in that child's development phase. Sometimes circumstance transpires and that allows a family member to take the place of the mother or father. Sometimes that may be the best decision. Parenthood is not for everyone because a parent has to wear many hats. Parenthood consists of instilling knowledge of self,  stability, nurture,  affection, communication, a sense of security, providing, love, comfort, caring, morals, values, respect, support (emotional, economic, ), etc

In different cultures how parents raise a child/children varies from generation to generation. In my grandparents and parents' era parenthood wasn't a job, it was an adventure. Parents are not as robust akin to the parents back in that era. Parents today are disinterested, egoistic, materialistic, and possess no self-restraint. Also, some parents believe parenthood is a job, not an adventure. Parenthood is an infinite attribute.  A person's experiences will teach them the etiquette of parenthood. When a person matures into parenthood, their attitude alters, subsequently, their childish ways cease. Anybody can have a child but it takes knowledge of self to be the parent that a child can idolize. There aren't any perfect parents but perfecting to contain a  functional home will contribute to a functional child or children. 

Conversely, the inappropriate age to rear a child or children, in my opinion, is 18-29. Ask the question. Why? When a person is between the ages 18-20 he or she is considered a young adult. The operant word is YOUNG, thus; too immature to take on the responsibility parenthood entails. Also, during the young adult's stage, they are developing, and discovering their sexuality, and what they want to do with their lives. Furthermore, he or she is exploring life, therefore; making immature decisions. During this phase in a young adult's life, he or she should be seeking college or vocational school to further their education. A diploma shouldn't be sufficient. A backup plan should always be in the works. If something does not work out he or she has an alternative plan.

Actually, at this phase in life having relationships during this phase is a no, no because it distracts a person. When a person during this phase is trying to figure out who they are, and what their desire is for their lives, and a relationship is established, therefore; a relationship will hinder that person. Now, that person has to be a concern for that person who he or she has relations with. It changes that person's initial plan for themself that was in place. Taking the focus off of knowledge of self. This is a distraction.

In conclusion, if having a child is in place without planning, he or she is further distracted because the child's concerns are first not the mother nor the father. A plan in place cultivates a person's life to be in control of each person's destiny without distractions. There will always be a time for rearing a child and a relationship. Parents ought to guide their young adults to evade distraction in their young adult phase and keep the focus on knowledge of self.

Peace!

Kimmie Merritt

3/24/18

What Love Got To Do With It

Social media is the distraction factor in relationships and why relationships have hit a roadblock. If couples are not able to view how social media is a distraction in a lot of breaks up subsequently their relationships will not survive either.

How are couples acquiring quality time to listen and communicate with each other? How can couples become empowered when they are having relations with various social media sites? Social media gives couples the outlet, and attention, however;  it places their significant other at a disadvantage. There need to be boundaries in a relationship.  If there were boundaries there wouldn't be a host of relationship dilemmas that stem from social media. There ought to be a mental turn-off button to shut social media out of relationship circumference.

Couples are caught up on social media, however; they ought to be caught up in each other. Couples communicate more through social media than with each other because they don't know how to have a relationship, and don't know how to be committed. Consequently,  couples are living in the same house and communicate through text messaging. Who does that? The only way couples' relationships will flourish is if they reflect on each other and disconnect from social media. I am talking about communicating/conversing with each other and not with the rest of the world, that is the way it was before text messaging and utilizing social media exist to make it a valuable union.

Couples have allowed social media to interrupt their lives and relationships, and because of the era we live in some people have conformed themselves to the social media mayhem unconsciously. Couples have to become aware and retract their privacy because if they don't their relationship will collapse if it hasn't, thus; far. 

In fact, couples are allowing social media to dictate their relationship, for example, when couples wake up in the morning they do not say good morning nor kiss their partner but are on social media posting good morning to the whole wide web. There are conversations, and topics on their news feed that are deemed more imperative than embracing their partner in the morning. Can you see this behavior is dysfunctional?  

If couples are true to themselves they would understand the struggle and brokenness in their relationship. Also, both partners need to execute the attention they immensely need versus consuming themselves and seeking attention on social media.

Additionally, if relationships want to improve both parties should seek couple therapy as a support system The reason I suggested couple therapy is that therapy will help with discovering the root of the problem, therefore; it will redefine the relationship in its entirety and teach couples how to engage wholeheartedly. 

The time that is spent on social media could be employed talking to a  therapist online and seeking feedback about your dysfunctional relationship. Furthermore, couple therapy will formulate the relationship to become functional. Couples have to rise above to overcome the consumption of available time spent on social media.

When relationships fail for one reason or another. It's never one person's fault because it takes two to tango. It is always both people's fault because both parties are involved. Why is it both parties when the relationship goes well?  When it goes south it's another person's fault. There are two sides to the story. 

When a person is true to themselves he or she will stop making excuses. Couples should take the opportunity to connect to a therapist online because many relationships have lost their zeal, and I don't think they will recover without professional guidance. When couples are not able to figure out what has gone wrong in their relationship sequent marriage is off the table period...

Couples shouldn't invest time in a relationship that does not have any substance. Relationships shouldn't be a job but an adventure. 

Peace!

Kimmie Merritt

3/16/18

PEDOPHILE

When brothers are away (incarcerated)  pedophiles play with their daughters. Brothers need to keep themselves out of jail because the only one who's suffering is their daughters. I don't know if that comes to mind when a brother does whatever he does to be placed in the position to be in jail. Allow me to enlighten my brothers when you have a child you are supposed to protect higher), however; when brothers are locked up it is impossible. Actually, when there are children in the home children are your only concern.  When you are locked up it leaves the door open to "pedophiles" it welcomes them into your home.  Talk about responsibility, believe it or not, it's on you to protect yours at all cause. If you don't protect yours who will. Brothers are leaving their daughters in the hands of the next man whomever that may be. You see why I talk about having knowledge of self because it is something my brothers are lacking. 

Brothers, you can't leave your woman to defend herself and defend your daughter because that's the father/husband's responsibility. Mothers nurture father protection. Again, the mother nurtures, and the father protects. Got it? A mother's concern is raising her daughter without a father in the home, therefore; that opens the door for her to allow the next brother to replace you when you're in jail braiding the next man's hair. Also, when you are with the next man your woman and daughter are with the next man too. You don't know him, and she does not know him either, however; she's lonely. Brothers need to get their priorities in order and stop thinking about self-gratification.

Brothers, when you are locked up with your woman

 is getting her boots, knocked, and the next brother (pedophile) is molesting your pride and joy "daughter" without the mother knowing. Now, where is your daughter's protector? He's in jail protecting the next man if you get my drift? Having a child is the same concept as a marriage "To Death Do Us Part". Brothers get your priority in order. I really want my brothers to ponder on the different scenarios that may be transpiring because it is a possibility. It happens more often than not. When you are doing time in jail think who is doing your daughter. You can only blame yourself because your daughters weren't a priority. Does your daughter deserve this act " Hell No" but because Daddy was not there to protect her this is the result? Don't wonder why your daughter has an attitude adjustment for the worse. You are continually asking her mother what is wrong with her. You want to know why is your daughter angry with you. Mommy doesn't know, and baby girl will not tell you because the last brother "pedophile" told her (your daughter) not to tell anyone because it's their secret. Brothers need to think about the position they are placing their daughters in when brothers take away their security blanket go to jail, and place their daughters in the hands of pedophiles.  

Peace!

Kimmie Merritt

3/15/18

This Is A Man World

I love my black brothers, and I do not think some sisters give them the props they deserve. I understand some brothers appear not to have it together, but other brothers appear to have it together. With that being said, brothers who have it together are handed the short end of the stick. I am a realist, and it may appear I uplift my sisters, and I do, however,; I uplift my brothers if they are deserving. 

Brothers who have knowledge of self know how to treat their sisters like the queens they are. Note: I said queen! The brothers who have knowledge of self aren't about playing games. These are grown-ass men. Also, brothers who have knowledge of self are not into the shacking up business.

They are about marrying a sister if that sister is worthy.  Yes, I said it! It's a GAME. Brothers that have knowledge of self cherish the BlackQueen. He will always respect, protect, and, correct any man that disrespects her.

Brothers who do not have knowledge of self-play games. Brothers who have knowledge of self are men who are not Into the "games people play". Some sisters know how the game is played, however; because sisters fear being alone tolerate it. 

Brothers who have knowledge of self recognize a woman who is down for her man (husband). Sister who recognizes her man has knowledge of self (husband)  is down with her man.  Sisters who recognize brothers who have knowledge of self-understand they are about their business. You see sisters don't have to ask their man to open the door for them because brothers who have knowledge of self already know that a sister walks in the door first. When a woman knows her man (husband) has knowledge of self she desires to do things for him because he is deserving of them.. When a brother has knowledge of self he makes his wife's life easier. 

Brothers who do not have knowledge of self sit back and watch their girlfriend/woman struggle. Brothers who do not have knowledge of self seek a payback. Brothers who do not have knowledge of self have multiple women and men. Brothers who do not have knowledge of self do not want to marry but do not have a problem shacking up with a sister. It's their belief sisters don't know their worth.

My black sisters, now you can differentiate. 

I want to say this is a man's world when a black man has "knowledge of self."

Peace!

Kimmie Merritt

3/13/18

LIFE

What happens after fathers are incarcerated? Young boys are left without their fathers. Some may say that example is the fathers setting for their sons by being incarcerated The mothers are left to care for the family during the father's incarceration period. 

The most challenging aspect of incarceration is making sure the sons do not follow in their father's footsteps. Programs need to be implemented to educate on the pitfalls of incarceration. Also, implementing a negative aspect of prison life such as scared straight methodology. Additionally, lay out the numbers of the statistics of fathers incarcerated.

It has become an epidemic to see how young brothers spend their entire youth and adulthood incarcerated. Where has the system failed them? The system has failed them is the government is capitalizing on this tragedy. The fathers who are incarcerated aren't able to raise their children, therefore; it becomes a revolving door. Our youth need the means to rise above because the odds are against them. There aren't sufficient resources to keep the youth rooted and grounded. 

Furthermore, the churches aren't reaching out to assist the youth to give them away out from the streets. It seems like it's every youth for themselves. The youth is supposed to be our future but that will be a myth if there isn't an intervention.

In every family, there is a father incarcerated. I am trying to wrap my head around this to find a solution to the problem. One may believe it is not their responsibility to teach someone else a child but it is our responsibility because as a nation we are in the same sinking boat. 

Although it may not be your immediate family, however; there will be a time when your grandchild may be placed in a situation and may be connected to this epidemic. We know in every generation a family member is associated with the pitfall of incarceration, therefore; I know this may be new to you but brothers need to be true to it, and not forget where they came from. We've struggled our entire lives and you are still struggling to prove who you are as a black man.

Why haven't the black brothers stepped up to the plate to find a solution for these youth who were left behind before they became their father's keeper "locked up." The system is designed that way. I CHALLENGE every black, brown, yellow brother to be a big brother to a child whose father is incarcerated and teach them knowledge of self, and educate them on how to evade the pitfall of incarceration. This will be the biggest challenge ever to save our youth from imprisonment. 

EACH ONE TEACHES ONE!

For those brothers that have a record. File article 23 "Expungement"

Peace!

Kimmie Merritt

3/12/18

A Woman World

It has been a long road for women and to be preyed upon by men or any man in a relationship is merely a long-standing dilemma. There isn't any rationale behind why that behavior is acceptable. That kind of behavior is learned. A man did not come into this world displaying that type of behavior. It's a slap in the face as a woman when I view any man preying on a woman. A man came from a woman. His mother gave birth to him and she nurtured him from the time he came out of the womb. If a man does not respect nor uplift his woman to feel a sense of security sequentially, he does not respect his own mother nor trust her ability with the decision she constructs as a woman. 

Women must ask the question. How's your relationship with your mother? Wait for his answer. If a man doesn't want to talk about his mother consequently, that woman will have a problem with him moving forward in the relationship. A man may deem it not to be an essential factor in an inquiry about his relationship with his mother NEWS FLASH: It will be a determining factor in how he treats a woman in the relationship. This is considered an important part of the relationship that he is withholding from her. It ought not to be tolerated. 

A Woman shouldn't allow a man to validate her because all her accomplishments have already validated her as an empowered woman. When a man embraces a woman's concerns, feelings, and needs first in a relationship it allows him to exhibit a sense of responsibility in the relationship, that is he has shown up a grown man and not a little boy. 

When a man preys on any woman it shows his lack of growth In his development in becoming a man.  It takes a grown man to self-reflect to understand his short-coming in what a woman's expectations are of him, and in turn, he does a 360 in the relationship and becomes the man he is supposed to be by becoming an equal partner in supporting his woman in decisions she has made for them to move forward in the relationship. If a man isn't able to meet in the middle and bring  HAPPINESS  to his home, and woman, therefore, he needs to let the door hit him where the good Lord split him. 

Additionally, the relationship is over because they both are striving without any common ground. A WOMAN is much more mature than a man, therefore it causes challenges and concerns with various perspectives in a relationship. When a woman knows what she desires for her life there isn't any compromise, however; a WOMAN challenge may be what caliber of a man she desires for herself. 

There is a difference between the two and I deem there is a query about why some woman continually deals with less than a man and that is the confusion amid what she desires for her life versus the man she desires in her life. The majority of men are like snakes. They affect a woman with their venom and suck the life out of her to the point the woman no longer focuses on herself and the plans that are in place for her own life, thus; the woman is focused on the man with what he does not bring to the table for his own life that has spilled over into her life with a lot of excuses and self-doubt. 

The woman can only blame herself for permitting the snake into her bed.

Peace!

Kimmie Merritt

3/11/18