FALLEN FATHER'S

In this era, who should take the blame for those “Fallen fathers” It seems hopeless for the sons when their fathers perform the disappearing act? Fatherless son’s lives are a revolving door, and the sons are struggling to discover who's going to teach them the role of fatherhood. Single mothers are attempting to do their best but their best just isn't good enough.  Again, who's at fault for this cycle of "Fallen Fathers”?  Their sons do not deserve this act of abandonment and disappointment.  Also, their first sons are a blessing from GOD, therefore; they are innocent individuals simply seeking what is rightly theirs. Is it safe to say "FALLEN FATHER” is a generation curse? In fact, maybe those fallen fathers didn't have their fathers in their lives. Is that rationale going to change the fact that their sons are struggling internally without their father? Those FALLEN fathers need to step up to the plate and be responsible for their lost sheep (sons). Their sons are supposed to be our future; on the contrary, they are fatherless without a future.

These abandoned sons are frustrated, and the way their sons take out their frustrations is to take them to the street.  In the street some proclaim to take the place of those fallen fathers, however; there is a price to pay to become street adopted such as gangs, drug addicts, alcoholics, and hustlers, etc. When their adopted fathers finished using and abusing their sons, the following detour is an incarnation. Actually, there are enough fallen fathers who are already incarnated.   Their sons do not need to be connected to the New Jim Crow (incarnation).  When are those “FALLEN FATHER’S going to stop the disappearing act?   If that fallen father had experienced the same sense of abandonment, and disappointment with their own father, therefore; why allow these recurring behaviors to transpire in their own son's life?

In life there is causes and effect, therefore; the mothers have to play the role of the mother and father because of the fallen father’s abandonment. The best way some mothers believe is to hit the fallen fathers where it hurts, and that’s in their pocket. In fact, from a mother’s perspective, the fallen fathers should be accountable and responsible, thus; collecting child support is their only option. On the other hand, there are a lot of fathers out there who do not belong in the child support system. Mother's concern shouldn't be collecting a check but a sustainable relationship that will be established from a father and son perspective. There shouldn't be a price pose on the love a father has for his son. The value for their sons should mean more than the mother's emotional disconnection from the father at that point and time.  Many fallen fathers do not believe in the child support system, therefore; to circumvent the system the fallen father’s work is off the books. As a result, their sons are overwhelmed with a double whammy believing their fathers are simply sperm donors, instead of their parents. Talk about adding salt to an open womb. When their sons are struggling with an ordeal as such it is vital that their mother becomes their support system, and inquire for assistance in seeking a therapist. It is a relief for their son to be able to express their concerns and feelings to someone who will be empathetic besides their mother.

By Kimmie Merritt
February 25, 2016

PTSD Following A Divorce

Divorce has affected many households around the globe without warning, and many parents/children undeniably will not recover from the devastation. There are 1 million children who will suffer at the hands of their parents becoming divorced. The aftermath will affect the children emotionally, financially, and mentally. This devastation definitely will affect the parents but it will definitely, affect the children more.  Children will continue to suffer from their parent's divorce right into their adulthood. Parents do not take into consideration the distress a divorce has on their children or maybe parents just do not care. Divorce affects children in several ways such as behavioral, and emotional dilemmas. When these children attend school their focus is not on the work at hand.  When parents divorce it appears to stay with children even up to the point until he/she marries. Simply if he/she decides to go down that dark road again. It appears if parents are unhappy in the marriage their children will be unhappy during the divorce as well. Divorce continues to affect children all the way into their adulthood to the point that he/she indulges in alcohol or drugs. Children never forget, therefore; the scars in their childhood additional affect them in their adulthood as well. Children tend to have emotional trauma in their adulthood which is the worse when he/she starts their own relationship. It becomes a challenge because of their traumatic experience with their parent's divorce.

In fact, in their relationships, there seems to be a sense of making bad choices. Furthermore, maybe he/she prefers not to be involved in any relationship because he/she may feel a sense of abandonment over again. Actually, children perform poorly in school, therefore; their grades are affected because of the divorce. Parents seem to always involve their children in the divorce process by attempting to make the children decide who he/she wants to live with. When the parent does this it causes further stress for the children with trying to cope day to day. It’s unfair to the children, however; it is something that is inherited to children during a divorce and will never go well for the children in the end. Children will never get over a divorce and it will always feel akin to grief because the memories of the divorce will always revisit. Moreover, holidays are a contributing factor in why children will never recover from a divorce because there will be memories from when he/she was a happy family.  A divorce may appear to be an easy way out for the parents, however; for their children, it is a downhill spiral to no return. Divorce should never be an option when children are involved because children become emotionally damaged for life.

By Kimmie Merritt
February 22, 2016

Why Did You Get Married?

                

The majority of people become married because of the proposal factor at that moment. If their partner never proposed a woman wouldn’t become married. Also, in some cultures at a certain age, it is appropriate to become married. Some women desire to become married, therefore; the pressure is on for their partner to propose.  In addition, religious belief is a factor in why individuals become married as well. In this era marriages seem to be simply a TITLE without establishing that marriage is a union, thus; marriages end in divorce abruptly.   Marriages are failing because couples are unprepared to be married. Furthermore, being in a marriage isn’t a walk in the park, and that is discovered further along in the marriage. People just do not respect the sanctity of marriage in this day and age. Others prefer domestic partnerships because the belief is there aren’t benefits to being married. A person could decide he/she doesn't have the desire for that person anymore. Yes, it is just that simple There are several rational why a person divorces. Some people will marry and have an attitude if it doesn’t work,  it doesn’t work.  The divorce rate in the United States has plummeted. Actually, many people get married for the wrong reasons such as attraction, or loneliness, not love. People do not marry for love anymore, therefore; their marriage is unable to endure for better, and for worse. It is utterly sad for the children who are involved and suffering during this ordeal.  Subsequently, there are those individuals that stay in the marriage for their children but are quiet as it is kept their children are hoping they would throw in the towel because the children are unhappy as well. children want to escape the dysfunctional relationship.  Marriage is something a person should not jump into because marriage is not for everyone. Just because a person can get married doesn’t mean he/she ought to. In fact, being a wife is submissive, therefore; in this era, a SUBMISSIVE WIFE is a characteristic some women do not contain.

A wife needs to have a characteristic of a submissive wife. Also, a husband must be a provider in the union. When a wife exhibits a submissive attribute she displays that she is submitting to GOD.  Wives should comprehend that their husbands should take on the role of leadership in their marriage. Here’s a scenario in courtship when a man first meets a woman it is the man who asks the woman out on a date, not the other way around. Here’s another analogy when a woman goes out dancing it is the man who asks the woman to dance, and he leads on the floor. Now, it is understood that husbands are leaders in their marriages. Actually, wives are harmonious when their husbands take the initiative because it is preferred by their wives. There will be times when the wife may sense her husband does not deserve her submission for one reason or another, however; she should remember submissive was pointed out by GOD.  When a husband and wife work as a team in a marriage it displays a sense of happiness overall. When a wife is submissive it takes on humbleness in the marriage along with prayer. When that takes place the husband and wife are allowing GOD to take place in the unity of marriage.

A SUBMISSIVE WIFE
A submissive wife honors, respects, and admires her husband.
A submissive wife corresponds with her husband.
A submissive wife allows her husband to be the king of his castle  (home).

By Kimmie Merritt

2/20/2016

TAKE A LOAD OFF

In every relationship, there is some kind of baggage accumulated because individuals encounter some type of impact from their past (for example,  childhood,  divorce, a loss, etc).  Baggage is destined to be a part of any relationship, however; it is a component of why relationships don't sustain. Relationships may be able to maintain if individuals recognize the intoxication of their baggage‘s transport into the union. When situations transpire in life sometimes they’re out of individual control because it happens abruptly.  Consequently, other situations are in a person's control such as controlling their destiny. The baggage that is accumulated throughout life is merely garbage and garbage belongs in the disposal. Eventually, if it happened in the past it should stay in the past. If someone you dated in the past cheated it is unfair to bring the same mentality into the current relationship thinking similar behavior will become known. A brain is a place that stores information, therefore; if something happens in a person it will affect them to the core, and that person will never forget nor forgive.

Some people pursue dating relationships when they are struggling with pain from their past, therefore; that pain interferes with their happiness. It doesn’t matter how many relationships a person is involved in he/she will always find a reason to sabotage the relationship.  Also,  a person will never self-reflect and realize it is themselves who are at fault.  It is simply because when a  person is unhappy and struggling with pain it is guaranteed that he/she will make that person in his/her life or relationship unhappy unconsciously. This happens when a person doesn’t self-reflect but points the finger at everyone else except themselves.  Accumulating baggage is just events that transpired in life that a person never resolved within themselves. When a person accepts the Lord Jesus Christ into their lives GOD  delivers them from all the baggage‘s mentality but many people do not allow  GOD to set them free. They prefer to keep their mind in prison and keep past events to torment themselves until they develop some kind of psychological disorder.  There are 3 million people in the United States who struggle with depression, therefore; accumulating baggage is something that needs to be recognized and dealt with instead of swiping it under the rug if a person desires to evade a state of depression.

If a person refuses to allow GOD to deliver them from past events subsequently it is time to look into seeking resources because they are available such as therapy. Therapy is an addition to spirituality because a person needs an outlet, and a person needs to learn diverse coping methods to overcome those challenges from their past.   Some people think therapy is for individuals who are psychotic but that’s inaccurate.  Therapy is for individuals who are struggling with life issues and are unable to cope. Furthermore,  when a person continues infiltrating baggage in their life or in their relationships the cycle will continue until a mental breakdown occurs.  Seeking professional help is beneficial and imperative.  In fact, therapy will change a person's life for the better because in therapy a person learns to view the rationale behind their behavior, and their past events from a different perspective.  Actually,  if a person is in a long-standing relationship it will be appropriate to involve their partner following a few sessions so it will be understood the WHY behind the behavior. Some people are quick to judge without understanding the WHY behind the madness. These are a few ideas to support those who are in relationships that uncover the reasoning behind the baggage. In conclusion,  if a person keeps attaining similar results the next best thing is to change something, and that’s a person's behavior.

By Kimmie Merritt
.February 15, 2016

Relationships HYPE

Some people sense the desire to be in a relationship, however; in relationships, a person has to embed a lot of work. What is the HYPE about? Some people feel the need to be loved or simply do not want to be alone, therefore; having that special person fills the void. God created man after his own image, therefore; God created a woman so man will not be alone. Now, it is comprehended why it was planned before time to have a mate but does that mean from a marriage perspective. Some people may view this from a different perspective because many may feel there’s not a need to marry, and that it’s acceptable to be involved in a relationship with benefits.  When a person comes from a different custom marriage may be the norm but other customs feel it is appropriate simply to live together without becoming married.  Married or not a person is still in a relationship, and with relationships come diverse backgrounds some are optimistic and pessimistic. This is the rationale for why relationships are challenging the optimistic & pessimistic upbringing.  Some people are spoon-fed, and others are from a poverty-stricken background, therefore; we transport what transpired in our childhood into relationships.

 Initially, relationships go well, the enjoyment of being in the company of each other until something in their past triggers. All those pessimistic memories appear then is when a person finds out who’s who. Some people are not forthcoming about their past because they are embarrassed, and do not want to be judged. Some do change, however; many stay the same. What a person experiences in their past will affect them in their relationships if they do not come to grasp their WHY.  There is no other way of getting around it that’s why it is important to recognize what happened in the past, thus; a person can move forward happily in their relationships.  Also, recognizing will benefit the person in their future relationships because a person will learn how to cope better when situations arise. When a person masks their childhood issues without finding coping mechanisms it does not undercover the missing link to the underlying reason, therefore; leaving the womb exposed.  People should find the means to cope to make the relationship better without conflicts. Of course, there are no perfect relationships because there is no perfect person, therefore; there will be disagreements and challenges.

 In relationships, there should be sustainability to overcome challenges because if couples can sustain a relationship couples may be able to sustain it when they become married.  Relationships are what you make them. What couples put into their relationships is what they will get out of their relationships. Couples have to take the Good  Bad, and Ugly to develop growth in becoming better collectively.  Furthermore,  couples should support, and listen to each other concerns. Listening skills are something that falls short in relationships because couples are concerned about how they are feeling. Discovering the WHY behind the conflicts is essential in any relationship because without the WHY there are a lot of conflicts without reasoning. It takes a partnership to make any relationships work, therefore; getting over yourself, and how you feel plays a vital role in becoming a better team. Additionally, to grow in a relationship means to take yourself out of the moment, and take on Love,  Understanding,  Compassion,  Empathy, and Spirituality subsequently there may be discernment in regards to disconnect in the relationship.  Many may be passing by for a reason, and a season, therefore; some relationships are NOT supposed to be eternal. Marriages are ordained by GOD, therefore;  if he/she is chosen by God to be in your life the marriage will be to death do you part. 

By Kimmie Merritt
February 13, 2016