Till Death Do Us Part

After the demise of a family member who truly was loved prompt this blog. One is never able to determine if one life will end or when one life will begin because the clock continually tick-tocks. Life simply happens or one life simply ends because it's inevitable. This is why one should make a conscious decision and spend time with friends and family because there isn't any guarantee. Yes, I know one takes life for granted. When death happens shortly after death life goes back to the norm subsequently one's loved one is forgotten until his or her loved one's memorial.
One belief is after their friend or loved one demise he or she would make a 360-degree shift and transform their own life going forward in a positive view. When their loved one formulates a footprint to follow it is never traced instead the footprint in the sand is washed away in the water.  One is supposed to utilize their love one-footprint to make a difference in someone else or their own life. When death happens nine times out of ten one life in his or her loved one name is unchanged. Most likely their loved one death devastates and abates thenceforth one resumes living life merely like death never happened in the first place. DO NOT ALLOW ONE LOVED ONE DEMISE TO BECOME IN VINE.  

Actually, one doesn't have the understanding to articulate who lives or demise. There is not a turn-on or turn-off button in life. Its simplicity one has to prepare for when the inevitable occurs. Death is a topic that is not near but far away because it's a topic that's not a conversation piece. One doesn't sit down at their dinner table and strike up a conversation about death. Why is that? Death is a subject that one prefers to steer away from because some identify it with sadness, fear, devastation, loneliness, and abandonment. Death depends on several factors such as the philosophy of death that is considered as a process. I don't want to indulge in the process of death because that is an entirely different blog at a later time. Many rejoice over a friend or a loved one demise. Others may moan about the death of a friend or a loved one. Either way, these are uncontrollable emotions and it is how one channels their emotion. The key is to exercise coping skills with death such as in the manner that it may uplift the person who is grieving the death of a friend or a loved one. I deem it significant depending on the circumstance of the death that one abstracts the negative emotions following the aftermath of a friend or loved one demise such as happy memories. Memories are vital following a death such as a relationship before, characteristics,  personality, etc. There are many moments that one can reflect on that may fulfill the void that's absent in one life. Take this time and reflect. Talk about goosebumps as I reflect on my father.

Consequently, exercising death and mutating that energy toward something positive will sustain their loved one memories forever, therefore, he or she will never be forgotten for example initiating a non-profit agency for teens or a program for young mothers who need an emergency shelter or non-profit agency for the homeless, and group grief counseling. There are several avenues one may focus their energy toward generating the support of a friend or a loved one demise.
The sad aspect of this that is it takes the death of a loved one to alter one life in an optimistic viewpoint to support others who are or have experienced the same struggles following a death. For example, many human rights activists had a demise, and after their death programs, schools, streets, and holidays were inserted to honor them. I'm conveying a similar concept. It's a sort of healing process for those who are struggling following the demise of a loved one. These leaders will never be forgotten. Death is supposed to alter one thinking positively because one's loved ones are no longer living lives. After death, all that matters is what would one do to honor their loved ones in a positive view.

In conclusion,  many people wait until death happens before allowing friends and loved ones to know how much he or she is loved and missed, however; their loved ones aren't any longer alive to view the commitment to their cause. Also, why is it that others communicate more to the dead and subsequently to those who are yet living? Presently, some aren't speaking to their parents, siblings, in-laws, etc for whatever reason. As soon as death happens subsequently there are regrets such as I should've or could've done something different, however; it's too late. Now, there will be some type of psychological damage because he or she refused to mend the relationship. Death is difficult for everyone but it makes a difference how a person channels one emotion. In fact, healing is a channel one wants to inherit because it allows one to live their life vicarious in constructing a legacy in honor.

Kimmie Merritt

12/10/2018

Parent's Keeper

A time will come when the roles will be reversed. When the time comes what will you do? Will one become their parents or parent keeper? I recalled when my father reached out to me and asked me to relocate because he needed me. I remember that like it was yesterday. I quote "Daddy need you down here with me". It hit me like a brick.  When I received that phone call I didn't hesitate because I knew my father needed constructing a call as such. I knew my father and he never asked anybody for anything. What I didn't know that is he was sick. My father never disclosed that information to me. I understand now why he wasn't forthcoming. As a parent, one doesn't want to burden their children or children with certain information because some children don't know how to handle it or simply aren't mature enough. I'm glad my father didn't disclose his ailment because I was unable to handle it at that point and time.

Also, when one can rescue their parents or parents in their time and need he or she is considered in my book "their parents or parent keeper. Unfortunately one is unable to control who, what, and when an ailment may transpire in one life but a support system is an optimal remedy that is fulfilling in one parent or parent's life. Parents should without a shadow of a doubt be able to depend on their child or children to care for them when the parents or parent are unable to care for themselves any longer.

Actually, when a mother brings a child into this world and nurtures the child to the best of her ability. When parents become older and the parent transforms into a child again when that parent is old thus; it's time to reverse roles.  Now it's that child or children who should take on the role of caring for his or her parent until their demise. One may believe it's a job or one may deem it as an adventure. One should envision it as reflecting back on the years of blood, sweat, and tears of a mother or father who bears and sacrifices the gift for him or her.

When one contemplates reversing roles merely contemplate if it wasn't for one's mother or father where would one be.   As a parent or parents, it's a choice to be their child or children's keeper, simply akin to their child or children choosing to become their mother or father's caregiver. Why would anyone trust their parent's lives in another person's hands? There isn't anyone else who knows one parent better than their child or children and vice-versus.

Currently, my mother is struggling with an ailment. When I speak to others about her ailment it's always conveyed that eventually I would have to place her in a nursing home because it will become overwhelming for me to handle. I understand some circumstances and situations may be out of one control, therefore; the only option is a nursing home but for me and mine, I will never place my mother in a nursing home. Merely, it wasn't an option for my mother to place me up for adoption. My mother played the cards that were dealt to her and her ailment is the cards that have been dealt to me.

Furthermore, one ought to remember what goes around it will come right back around. In cases where parents weren't in their child or children's lives in their childrearing years but as an adult, the parent surfaces simply become the bigger person and do the right thing. In a situation such as subsequently, the child and absent parent should converse and hear each other out to find a middle ground and peace to move forward as a family.  Life isn't promised to anyone because one may be here today but will be gone tomorrow. One demise isn't a choice.

Kimmie Merritt
2/10/19